Now I love my friends. They are some of the sweetest and most interesting people that I have been fortunate to meet, but there is a serious problem I have at some point or the other with friends.It may seem that I usually know what to say in most situations but I have been "lucky" to be given the gift of choking in certain situations. What are these? Well, pretty much in situations of death, severe disappointment or worry. What happens? Well, Keeta is silent and then feels a profound sense of awkwardness at not being able to do anything to abate the situation and she chokes. Choking involves not calling the person or if in conversation with them, trying really hard to think of something else. I have always been aware of the problem, as it were, and how this may seem like I'm leaving someone who expects to be present, feeling like I've left them cold turkey. And so with the choking comes the guilt.
But yesterday, I had an epiphany of sorts. My friend told me that she was dealing with a situation which was tentative at best. I listened as she explained to me what it was and realised that it was one of those classic choke causers. But I didn't run, nor did I try to change the subject. I simply said to her that I was going to think of her some more, put some good karma out there for her and say an extra prayer. Usually, I think these statements are futile and don't actually make the person feel better, so I've pretty much been averse to saying them. But yesterday, when I actually used them, my friend really did sound like it gave her a little push to keep her chin up. And when I heard that I remembered that at the end of the day sometimes you don't even need to say or be able to do anything to really have something count. You just have to care. And I guess she probably knew that it may have been awkward for me but was grateful that someone listened and was hoping for the best for her as well. So if you've ever felt like you're about to choke and want to run and hide, try keeping your chin up and things will be a lot easier to swallow.
Peace and luv :)
Have you ever noticed changes in yourself? Well recently I have noticed a few changes of my own. Being a fairly, stubborn and usually very strong-willed person, I don't let things go to easily in a fight when I know I'm on the right side of the chalk line. Or worse when I have to do something that is simply for your own piece of mind that others may not agree with. But lately, the Keeta has discovered a simpler way of getting her way. Don't get me wrong if you need to stand your ground with something, don't back down. Worse if it is something very important. However, I have learnt the value of not always trying to explain something to persons who are dogmatic at best, obdurate at worst. And more importantly the value of honey. The honey I speak of is not nature's confection, but the figurative one.
Kimora Lee Simmons, in her book "Fabulosity", passed on some very valuable information to yours truly- 'You catch more flies with honey than vinegar". Sounds simple right? Well not to me at first and I'll tell you why. I've heard that before but when I heard it from her, someone who is assertive, strong and unapologetic for it, I decided to believe. And I have learnt the reasoning that goes with it. The last two weeks, I have been in situations where persons whom I have had interactions with whether work-related or otherwise have said things or held points-of-view that I haven't agreed with. So I took a minute, assessed whether or not to argue and 9 times out of 10 realised that it really wasn't worth it. On top of that, dropped in a smile and 9 times out of 10 I got my way anyway. Go figure.
Moral of the story is, the sticky sweetness almost always works better. So be sweet to yourself and choose your battles ;)
I was having a conversation today with someone whose opinion I truly value (one of my role models so to speak). We were discussing this blog somewhat and she asked me how often I made a post and I responded that I write when I am inspired. And of course, I thought back to the conversation (as I usually do with conversations which last longer than a few minutes) and I thought about inspiration.
Inspiration is said by many to be a divine gift, an epiphany of sorts. Many people are fully in tune with what inspires them. The various things or activities which cause them to produce works of varying types. Now while I may be able to say what in particular had inspired me to do something at a given time, I have realized that those same things may not exactly work at another again in the same way.
Then there is the mystery of what it is we may to be inspired to do. Or in my case, for example, the simple fact that I wait to be inspired to write which simply means inspiration (which if we operate on the premise that inspiration is a gift) must come for me to further develop my other gift- the writing. A little convoluted though it may seem, it got me thinking how much other persons at this stage of their life (20-something) have lost their inspiration or simply dont feel like they have any, because they may have ended up like a stunted stalagmite unable to receive more minerals from the larger structure above or they may have been wooed by flames a moth should otherwise ignore.
Why wait till you're 30, 40 or older to really be inspired to do more with you? Have you ever really sat and wondered if you are giving yourself the attention you deserve by finding that inspiration to find out more about you? And then is it really life and all it offers that you're searching for or the inspiration to really get up and chase it? Inspiration when you think about it can mean so many different things but really, like many other things in life, it is one of those things or gifts that when you get it you know it really only was meant for you.
One of the things I have always appreciated in my life is the different perspectives the people around me have on almost everything. With February just starting, my mind ran on one of these persons and the take she had on Valentine's Day a couple years ago. She wore full black and reproached (jokingly, I should add) those of us who while we may not have been wearing red, decided to look extra cute on the day in an adorable powder blue dress with white peep-toe flats. I thought back to this and wondered, what really is the deal with Valentine's Day (and I don't mean the origins)? Most of the people who I know would rather wear full black and lament that there is nothing to get all excited about.
But indulge me for a second. Let's think about it from the other side. Now I am not saying you need to look like one of those GM tomatoes they sell in the supermarket and wear full red (or better yet PINK *wink*) nor am I saying that you have to have a special guy (or girl. I don't judge) to celebrate a day that has been branded in our minds by way of cupid, hearts, flowers and teddy bears. However.........I am all about deconstructing and reinterpreting those same things that society uses to define us in one way or the other.
Did you ever make Valentine cards for your parents or friends when you were little? If not don't worry, you'll know why I asked in a minute. Children do things just to show persons that they are loved (and there is very little if any romance happening at that stage). So I decided that even though Valentine's Day is traditionally for lovers *chuckle* I would make it into something that really meant something to me. So what did I do? In a bout of silly, I went on one knee and asked one of my best friends to be my Valentine. She nearly collapsed laughing. We decided that we would be extra nice to each other for this special day. Just something out of the ordinary. Plus, I decided that it had been a while since I had done something for my mother, who lately has been under a bit of stress from work, so I would do a special care package to send home to her as well. So what better way to take a day, designed for lovers (perhaps by Cupid, a saint or the capitalists in order to make money) and make it about the people who really count.
So for those of you who may be making a conscious effort to wear black and be grim, and reproach those of us who find any excuse to be cutesy and wear pink (yes I mean myself), forget being consciously against Valentine's Day and use it as that perfect opportunity to show somebody (who you know might need a pick-me-up) that they are extra special. It'll be so worth the energy you spend, that you may not even remember to wear black ;)
